Geriatrics

So I am officially getting old. I know, it is stupid of me to think that at the age of 23, but sometimes I do. No matter what I’d like to believe, with every passing day I am getting older. That is actually kindof scary to me.

Here is my lamentable tale: Just the other day I was substitute teaching at a Junior High School when a girl who looked to be in the 7^th or 8^th grade came up to me and asked, “Are you someone’s dad?”

I was speechless. I stood there with my mouth hanging wide open in complete despair.

I looked at her with a look of sheer disbelief and politely barked back, “There is no way I look old enough to be one of your dads!” I just could not handle it.

She proceeded to tell me otherwise, informing me that I do, in fact, look that old. After a heated discussion I actually showed her my driver’s license and she gave a half-hearted “I’m sorry” and went on her way—totally ruining my self-image! I sent a text message to some of my family and friends and informed them that I was officially a “grown-up.” It was a sad day.

And as if that were not bad enough, someone (Chai) had to put the bright idea in my head that playing intramural soccer would be fun. Well, it would be a great idea…if I had played soccer in the past 10 years! Needless to say I am a little out of shape.

A few weeks ago we had our first game. We played a team that was younger, faster, healthier, and more aggressive. They did not score once. It made us feel so proud. But during the course of the game, I realized just how out of shape I was—I was winded during warm-ups! It was crazy.

I fell down more than once. But one particular time I took a nose-dive right on top of a ball. I got grass and dirt in my mouth! It was admittedly not one of my better moments. I got up and realized I needed to take a break. I had two scuffed-up hands, and more than one strawberry on both my knees. I was tired. And as I walked off the field, this guy who looked to be about 3 years younger than me looked at me and said, “Walk it off, grandpa.”

Yes, it’s a fact…my life is over.

Perhaps this post could be perceived as complaining. And it probably is. I am getting older. You are getting older. And that is just a part of life. And besides, I am smarter than all of them anyway–or so I’ll tell myself to make it all bearable!